


As It Should Be

by Heyarchangel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 1 am rambles, Angst, Angst with Sad Ending, Fluff and Angst, I cried writing this, M/M, Oneshot, Sabriel - Freeform, Sorry Not Sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-18
Packaged: 2019-04-24 19:06:36
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,101
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14361738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Heyarchangel/pseuds/Heyarchangel
Summary: just a sad oneshot I made to warm up my writing skills.





	As It Should Be

**Author's Note:**

> yeah I'm crying too, I thought of this at midnight and wrote most of it all in the span of one crazy hour. I am so sorry.

Sam laughed, and playfully shoved Gabriel.  
“You’re an idiot,” he joked.  
“Oh, come on Sammich, you know you love me,” Gabriel replied, batting his lashes and making a kissy face.  
“God, but at what cost?”   
“Shut up!” Gabriel barked a laugh and shoved Sam right back. Maybe with a little too much force, oops.  
Gabriel grabbed Sam’s arm before he lost balance, and pulled him back, grabbing the other arm as Sam came to face the archangel.  
  
Grinning, Sam put both of his hands on Gabriel’s waist, as if this was his plan all along.  
“You know,” Sam said, “today seems to be going so well, for once.”  
“Call the police! Sam’s having _fun_.” Gabriel gripped Sam’s arms tighter, wondering when they got so close together, were they this close before? He couldn’t remember.  
He could smell Sam - creepy, right? - and he smelled of many things, but mostly of sweat, and coffee, and shampoo. Sam smelled like... Sam, and Gabriel really should have been more worried about how easily he recognized that scent, and that he _liked_ it.  
Gabriel could see Sam’s eyes up close now, able to distinguish the exact places where they went from green to blue to gold, threaded in the iris like a tapestry. Sam’s eyes always did something to Gabriel, looking in them gave him a sense of something more, like Sam was always saying something with them that his words couldn’t.  
Gabriel could feel every muscle in Sam’s arms, feel the power behind them from years of training and experience, yet Sam’s hands were so gentle on his waist, Sam was always gentle around Gabriel, and it made his chest ache sometimes, knowing that Sam was so careful.  
He can hear Sam breathing,  
_in, out, in, out,_ __  
so calm, a reassurance of his life, like the constant thrum of his heart.  
  
Gabriel noticed a thousand other things, like the fact that Sam took a shower yesterday, or that he forgot to shave, or how his soul shone like a supernova, Gabriel notices everything about Sam.  
All within the span of a second, maybe less.  
It was overwhelming, being an archangel was always overwhelming.   
After millennia, Gabriel thought he had gotten used to it. The rush of it all, being able to process information in a format of time so fast it had no name, to feel the air around himself filled with the emotions of every single day since the beginning of everything, see things that not even the angels could perceive, to have trained and reminded himself to look through the blinding light of souls, and yet still see more advanced than anything else in creation- save for God himself.   
  
But seeing Sam was different, from the first moment in that school, it was always much more intense. His soul, his body, his voice, emotions, actions. It all felt more intense than anything he’s ever experienced.   
He at first chalked it up to him being the Vessel, that it was just the fact that it’s been so long since seeing something so connected to his old home, that it was just the unfamiliarity, being reminded of his family, and why he left.  
But it never changed, every time Gabriel looked at Sam, it was like the first time all over again. Just as bright, just as intense.  
  
“-Gabe, Gabriel.” Sam squeezed Gabriel’s hips, just barely.  
Gabriel blinked.  
“There you are, lost you for a second.” Sam smiled, dazzling Gabriel with those perfect teeth of his. He didn’t even notice so much time had passed, did he really space out staring at Sam?  
  
Gabriel smirked, and slid his hands up to Sam’s shoulders (which were probably one of Gabriel’s favorite things about Sam. _Who has such perfectly broad shoulders?_ Of course, Sam does.)  
“Well, Sam, thanks for finding me. But you should know,” he pulls Sam down so Gabriel’s mouth is right by his ear, “I never wander far from you.”   
Gabriel could hear Sam’s heart speed up, the blood rushing to his cheeks... and other places. He could hear Sam lick his lips as he took in a breath, and feel his hands tighten on Gabriel’s hips.  
  
Running with this newfound rush of courage, Gabriel nuzzled at Sam’s neck, taking in his scent. Slowly, he dragged his nose along Sam’s jawline, going from one side to the other, and nibbling in Sam’s ear.  
He heard Sam gasp, and chuckled. Pulling away, Gabriel went back to running his mouth along every inch of exposed skin on Sam’s neck.  
  
“Gabe,” Sam groaned, pulling their hips together, and leaning his head back, exposing more of his throat to Gabriel. Taking up that sweet offer, Gabriel made sure to inspect all of his neck, twice. Landing on his Adam’s apple, Gabriel lightly but down, just enough to make Sam give out a pleasant noise.  
“Mine,” Gabriel said,   
“Yours,” Sam whispered back, Gabriel feeling the vibrations in his throat.   
He started to pepper light kisses all over Sam’s neck and chin, his hands coming up to hold Sam’s head in place.  
“Please,” Sam said, “Gabriel I’ve waited _years,_ please.”  
  
Gabriel just nodded, he was done waiting, too. He had waited years- no, eons for this. His entire existence seemed to be leading up to this.   
  
He pulled back, locking eyes with Sam, seeing the trust, want, the need.  
They needed this, both of them.  
  
Gabriel closed his eyes, leaned forward, _and choked a sob, his face buried in Sam’s hair, his arms clinging onto him like he might disappear- which would be the cherry topping on the fucked up sundae of Gabriel’s grim reality._  
  
Having snapped out from one of his last happy memories, Gabriel tried to remember how it used to be. The way Sam used to smell, or the feeling of his strong muscles. Now all he has is the empty smell of tears and the malnourished body he can barely keep alive.   
_This isn’t my Sam,_  
Gabriel wished he could say that, and mean it. But he can’t, because no matter what, no matter how far Darkside, or how thin, or dirty, or whatever Sam may be, Gabriel would never be able to stop loving him.  
So maybe that’s why he held onto this husk of what used to be Sam, of what is Sam. Because even though Sam’s mind had long since been damaged beyond repair, long since lost even the incoherent mumbling and gone mute, even though he’s shut down so far that Gabriel has to nourish him with grace because he won’t eat anymore, it’s still his Sammy.  
  
And he can’t kill him.  
  
He just _can’t_.  
  
He killed Dean, Castiel, Raphael, even Michael, and Lucifer.   
But he can’t kill Sam.  
  
So he holds Sam tight in the passenger seat of that stupid impala, letting the days, months, and eventual years pass by as the world crumbles outside, the last remaining humans fighting to survive. He holds Sam tight and cries, and when he’s not crying, he’s petting Sam’s hair, telling him all the tricks he’s played through his life as Loki, even though he’s told Sam them all many times over. It’s not like he’s listening, anyway.  
  
Most of the time, Gabriel remembers how it used to be, before the fight. Before the world went to shit and Sam became this sad, heartbreaking shell.  
How happy he was, how happy everyone was. How they all thought the crisis was averted, that the apocalypse was stopped, and they could celebrate.  
Gabriel remembered every night he spent with Sam. He remembered that even though the fire and passion was like nothing he felt before, what he truly missed was the little things. How Sam smelled after a shower, the way Sam kisses his forehead when they woke up. That obnoxious sound he made when researching, which Sam swore he didn’t do. Or the way Sam truly meant it every time he said _“I love you.”_  
God, what he wouldn’t give to hear Sam say that one more time.  
  
He remembered the way Sam’s eyes used to look, like they were created just to make Gabriel feel weak in the knees, how looking in them gave him a sense of something more, like Sam was always saying something with them that his words couldn’t.  
Now they were dull, glazed over and barely open. It made his True Self scream in agony to see those eyes look so dead to the world around him- even though the world isn’t much to look at anymore, anyways.  
  
Sam’s soul still shone as bright as it did the day he first saw it, slapping him with a fresh set of tears every time he focused on it. It hurt too much if he looked at it. Made him go crazy, like he was going to tear into a billion pieces from the inside out. He felt sick thinking about how that soul had gone through so much, yet still looked so beautiful and pure.  
  
It was killing him.  
  
Looking at Sam made Gabriel feel like he was dying. But looking away would kill him for sure.   
He knew that the moment he let go of his Sammy, he would stab himself with his own blade.  
  
Gabriel thought about the last thing Sam ever said to him, well, the last thing that wasn’t the rambling of a broken down madman, but truly from Sam.  
  
_“Thank you.”_  
  
He sobbed, wailed like a baby. Clinging on to this human who had come to mean more to the archangel than his own existence. After everything that he had done to him, after all the pain and misery brought down upon humanity, upon his family, upon Sam. After all that, Sam still thanked him. His last words to the world before he sacrificed himself, and he thanked Gabriel.   
But Gabriel understood, those two words held every moment, every kiss, touch, whisper in the night. Every sunrise, and goodnight. Those two words held a lifetime of happiness and trust and betrayal and _forgiveness._  
  
It was Sam’s way of saying he forgave Gabriel for failing the world because he knew that Gabriel _tried,_ and that meant everything.  
  
Those last two words, they were the story he was telling to the only one left to listen.  
  
  
Gabriel hated this. He hated every second of this damned fate he had led them down. Every day Gabriel wished he had never fallen in love with Sam - _lie,_ \- but if not loving Sam, if that kept Sam from this horrible life, he’d do it in an instant.  
  
And Gabriel knew. He knew then that this was the last gift he could give Sam, this was the only way to make things right, and to fix this all. Make Sam live the life he deserves.  
  
It starts with a feeling, like a twist in your gut. Then you can smell the energy, something more than ozone, soft yet powerful. Your fingers start to twitch, and you can’t keep your eyes open. It’s exhilarating, and terrifying, and it makes Gabriel cry and hold onto his Sammy because that’s the only thing left in this godforsaken reality that can keep him sane.  
  
He kisses the top of his head, runs a shaking hand through his hair, covers his eyes, and feels the world press around him, twisting and squeezing into the Impala, into himself.   
He holds on to Sam,   
“Thank you,” he whispers.  
  
  
“I’ve been mopping these floors for six years,” Gabriel said, letting the Winchesters into the dead professor’s office.  
God, this was torture. Being so close to Sam, seeing his face, being so close to him, to those eyes, finally filled with the light he knows better than anything else. Being this near Sam makes his entire being ache, _screaming_ to touch the soul he loved- _still loves_. But he can’t.

He can’t touch Sam, he can’t wake up beside him in bed, he can’t steal the strawberries from his breakfast every day. Gabriel can’t love this Sam, because in every timeline, in every possible variation of the future, loving Sam kills him. He can’t be with Sam, so he will do the only thing he can, keep them on the path to a future where Sam lives, where Sam is happy. Even though every day will be torture, unbearable pain. Forcing himself to stay away from the only human that matters, the only life that is worth protecting. Gabriel will keep away from Sam, so in this timeline, he can save humanity, and be happy.   
Gabriel will watch him, work in the shadows to keep Sam alive.   
  
As it should be.


End file.
